Moving on

Alex and I have moved into our new apartment and I love it. It's a cute one-bedroom and everything looks new, and we even have new carpet. Not to mention there are two lakes and two swimming pools! Summer is going to be fun.

I still miss Michael a whole lot. I had his picture hanging up on my file cabinet at work but then I would start looking at it... and get sad... then I'd start having trouble breathing and my chest would tighten up. That would happen several times a day. I think it was the onset of a panic attack so I took it down. Hopefully it won't happen again today.

Everyone I run into at work or otherwise doesn't talk about it at all. They mostly say stuff like "Glad to have you back" or nothing at all. I know they probably just don't want to bring it up for fear I'll get upset... but I'd much rather them say something than nothing. I'm not going to cry. Pretending it didn't happen isn't helping me ANY because there is rarely a second I don't think about it. I'd much rather someone talk about it or at least acknowledge it happened. Or even my friends... they won't say anything either. It's frustrating but I guess I wouldn't know what to say in their position either.

Right now I'm sitting on the couch with Mocha waiting to go to work. Yep. I hate going to work. I need a new job. But I just haven't felt up to looking... or doing much of anything really. Everyone was trying to get me to go to Mardi Gras but I just haven't been in the mood to party. I mean, it just doesn't feel right so soon after he died.

I think we went to our last meeting with the grief counselor Monday. He read our grief letters aloud and everyone cried. But I think he helped a lot. As long as I don't have anymore nightmares I think I'm progressing.