I was talking to the receptionist today about my job search. She couldn't believe I couldn't find a job. She was like "You have everything - the fiance, the brains, and the looks (I disagree on that lol)" and I was like "No, I don't have everything." She was like "Yes you do, your lucky."

How am I lucky? I don't have my brother. My family has been ripped to pieces by this horrible tragedy. I act so normal around others and at work they must think it hasn't really affected me.

It is impossible to see your brother killed himself for apparentily no reason at all and NOT be affected mentally. I have and had a hard time feeling anything after what happened, as far as sadness or grief goes. Which is probably why I seem ok even when I shouldn't be.